Waiting for Radio City to Sink

Why I don’t need proof when someone asserts that they’ve been sexually harassed

saturniinae:

provocatoria:

I don’t want people who have been sexually harassed to feel like they’ll be met with suspicion when they share with me.

I don’t want to replicate the societal valuing of rapists and code it as “rights”.

I want those who are survivors, like me, to know that their words are valued and that their pain and struggle is being taken seriously, that I’m not the 100th person to tell them that they’re being hysterical or that I need to see a full rape kit and see video of the actual harassment to believe them, because I know that proof of rape and harassment is so hard to come by. 

If I support someone who says that they’ve been raped or sexually harassed and they actually haven’t - fine. I’m okay with that because the alternative is sending a message to all of the people who have been assaulted.

Skepticism is saying “I don’t trust you.”
Skepticism is saying “Your pain isn’t proof”
Skepticism is saying “Until I drag your personal history and account of the events through the mud, I am not satisfied.”

I am not willing to send those messages. By supporting any accusation of rape and sexual harassment, I know I am sending a message to rapists and harassers:

Run. Delete your online presence. Pull the covers over your head. There are people who know what you’ve done and are here to hold you accountable.

all of this

(via slutwalksignideas)

Reasons I Hate Men (tw: sexual assault, domestic abuse, victim blaming, pretty much everything because men are horrible)

cuntheart:

they objectify me

then they insult my appearance

then they insult my intelligence

then they cross my physical boundaries

then they deliberately cross my physical boundaries

they feel entitled to my body

they feel entitled to my company

they feel entitled to my kindness

they invalidate my feelings yet they want me to constantly validate theirs

they criticize everything I do

they call me names

they holler out their cars

follow me

stalk me

pull knives out on me

sexually assault me

sexually molest me

punch me

break my nose

then mock me when I say I’m afraid

they say I can never have a successful relationship because I’ve been abused

and tell me not to talk about my childhood because it’s not happy enough for them

then they abuse me some more

and tell me I have a “victim’s complex”

they say I attract abuse because I’m not pleasant enough and abusers can “sense” me

and if they don’t beat or rape me they want a gold star and a fucking seal of approval

they believe the men who abused me and then shun me because I’m supposedly abusive

they scream at me

scream over me when I stand up for myself

when they realize nothing has shut me up they call me bitch, wh*re, or cunt

they say I’m selfish when I take care of myself

they say I complain too much

they tell me to focus on the good instead of the bad while I endure the abuse

they infantilize me

tell me what to do

tell me how to feel

lie to me

make outrageous accusations

treat me like a sexual conquest

they don’t give a shit whether or not I get off

and when they do it’s only to stroke their own ego

they tell me I’m gross for having bodily functions

they slut shame

they ask if they can have a bite of my food and eat half of it in one bite

they smell like shit

they’re ugly and then expect us to be flawless

they don’t do housework

and when they do they want another gold star, but it’s just expected from me

they make “make me a sandwich” “jokes” and laugh at them EVERY time

they derail

they mansplain

they  make me cry

then they laugh when I cry

they call me things like “emotional” as if it’s a bad thing

they like me because I’m hilarious and then feel threatened because I’m funnier than they are

they’re boring

they try to coerce me into things I don’t want

they ignore me when I say “no”

they won’t shut. the fuck. up. until I give in or scream at them

then they tell me I’m emotionally unhealthy. Sexist and abelist in one ignorant ball of shitbag :D

they gaslight

they (white men) make tons more money than me for the same amount of work and then disapprove of me for getting an education

they act like my shaved head is there to either turn them on or upset them

they expect me to consistently shave my body hair but they would never shave their’s

either that or they fetishize my body hair

they say I’m scary because I assert myself but it’s nbd when men do the same thing

they only want to discuss men being raped when women bring up women’s rape

then they say things like “men are just as discriminated as women”

they cry about it when I say I hate men (usually after one of them has recently done one of the above)

and then they expect me to put up with it all politely with a fucking smile

…just off the top of my head

(Source: manhating-babyeater, via thiscuntsays)

(tw: rape, sexual assault, rape culture)

stfurapeculture:

-monstersunderthebed:

I can’t even begin to explain how pissed off I get when people’s reactions to a victim are:

• “You need to tell someone”

or

• “They’ll do it again if they aren’t stopped”

No, fuck you. You might think you’re helping but you aren’t. Your advice is not helpful, it is not kind, and it is not the advice of an ally. And here’s why:

“You need to tell someone”
Why ? Why does s/he need to tell someone ?
If you know anything about sexual assault and rape, then you know how fucking prevalent rape culture is. I had friends look me in the eyes and call me a liar, a whore, I had strangers call me a slut. I had police officers tell me that I would never win and should keep my mouth shut.
The ridicule, violence, and discrimination survivors who choose to speak face is overwhelming. And many survivors can’t handle or cope with that and the stress that comes with it. Many survivors have a hard enough time dealing with the nightmare that happened to them and they need time to heal and come to terms with it.
You shouldnevertell a rape or sexual assault victim to tell someone- they will speak when and if they are ready. 

Instead…

Try telling them that you are there for them if they need you, that you will always be there to listen if they want to talk, that you support their decision no matter what they choose to do, and most importantly that it is there choice and you care about them and are behind them no matter what. Let them know that you will be there for them.

“They’ll do it again if they’re not stopped”

I was not the only victim. For a while, I even blamed myself. But it’s not my fault that he is a monster- and it isn’t anyone else’s fault but his.
Let’s face it- yes, a lot of attackers choose to do so more than once. It happens. That does not make it their previous victims fault. The only person responsible for rape or sexual assault is the man or woman who is committing the act. When you tell a victim this, what you are actually saying is basically “You’re going to be to blame if this happens to someone else, because you didn’t speak out.”
If, and I mean IF, the victim chooses to speak out against their attacker, there is such a small chance that s/he will get a sentencing, and an even smaller chance that they will serve any significant jail time.
This person is already dealing with enough and again, trying to live with what has happened. They need to heal- are you seeing a pattern here ?
Don’t put any more pressure on their shoulders.

Instead…

Let them know that you are there for them- again, see any pattern here ? Let them know that it was not their fault, that they are not to blame, and anything else you think they would appreciate to hear. Give them words of kindness and compassion and support them.

Rape and sexual assault are incredibly difficult topics to talk about. If you think you might ask the wrong question- don’t ask anything. Instead, let the survivor open up to you in their own time. Ask if there’s anything you can do for them or anything they need. Don’t question them about the assault or the circumstances, let them talk to you when they are ready- if they ever are. And again, don’t fucking push them or guilt them into talking. You will not be helping them, you will just be further victimizing them and perpetuating rape culture.

Thank you.

Wise words.

thesavagesalad:

tw: rape, sexual assault

it’s actually upsetting reading about all these people who are so willing to defend a man who facilitated spaces for children to get raped and sexually abused. i don’t give a shit if you call him joe pa or what ever amount of years he put into your shitty obsession for sports. he’s was a dirty motherfucker and just as much of a dirty motherfucker as the man who hurt those kids

do these assholes even know how hard it is to live, to move on after those types of things? how fucking intimidating it is just to crawl out of bed some days? how it feels when you even step into spaces that look remotely like the places where you suffered? but no they don’t because they’re all too busy crying the removal of a statue of a fucker who facilitated child rape

(via theirriandjhiquishow-deactivate)

warning for rape/sexual assault in pornography

nessfraserloves:

theunsexyfeminist:

fellatio-dentata:

If porn stops being made in the mainstream, it would just go underground. Prohibition has never worked and never will. Banning porn, alcohol, drugs, doesn’t mean people still don’t partake in them. If anyone actual researched history and found a little bit about the bootlegging in the 20s, you’ll realize that caused a wave of violence because of it being illegal. The same with drugs, and same with porn. If porn stop being made, it would just endanger the lives of people once more.

Take it from a different perspective, if the United States banned abortion, would that mean people would stop getting them? No, but would it be more dangerous and hazardous? Yes. Same goes with porn. Having a porn industry, especially having women who are proud of their sexuality, is not a bad thing. Not all women and girls are tricked into starring in pornographic videos by the evils of men. They do it on their own choice. Does the first scenario and more happen? Yeah it does as well. However instead of banning porn, people should be more worried about stopping human trafficking. 

Porn is what it is, if you dislike it, than that is alright. But don’t say banning would help anything, it won’t. 

Sex trafficking happens in the first place because of the demand for both prostitution and pornography. This demand exceeds the amount of women who are willing to participate, and it’s more profitable to simply enslave women than to pay them anyway.

Women who are paid for their work are paid according to what acts they perform in a shoot, meaning that women will do things they don’t sexually enjoy - even things they find degrading or objectionable. Do you believe that ass-to-mouth is so frequently shown in pornography because most of the women find it sexually liberating? Enjoyable? What if women weren’t paid different rates according to the acts they were willing to perform? Pornography would look very different then, I expect.

Many porn stars, former and current, report having acts they didn’t agree to before the shoot forced upon them. We see this in the documentary Hardcore, where Felicity is orally sodomized by Max Hardcore. We also see this in Graphical Sexual Horror, when Brent Scott strikes a model across her face even though she told people on the set that it was a hard limit. (Fun fact: the directors of the documentary were sympathetic to Insex/Brent Scott, and one described the incident as “sexual harassment.” And ultimately not a big deal, because sexual harassment happens in all workplaces.) People like to say “well, as long as it’s all consensual” when it comes to porn, but in those scenarios, consent is no longer happening. If a woman even has time to respond, she has to consider whether or not she’ll still be paid for the shoot if she stops to complain, or if she’ll be blacklisted from that company or the industry altogether.

When you watch pornography, unless you are very careful, you have no way of knowing whether or not you’re watching a victim of sex trafficking. When you watch pornography, you have no way of knowing if the model(s) consented to all the sexual acts depicted in the film or clip, or if they were coerced. Even if you think elimination is unrealistic, it’s stupid to act as if porn rarely hurts its performers, particularly women.

and I only reblogged this crap because you put it in the human trafficking tag

Bolded alladis because it’s brilliant.

(via thiscuntsays)

[TW rape culture, assault] Daniel Tosh asked his viewers to film themselves groping women

octopuseyess:

sunken—eyes:

ccc-ccc-ccc:

tzikeh:

As you probably know by now, Daniel Tosh has a history of being sexist and misogynist—but I bet you didn’t know that, on his television show, he actively solicited his male viewers to take videos of themselves physically harassing women, and then upload those videos to the internet.

Just in case they didn’t understand what it was he wanted them to do, he then played video of himself doing it. You know, as a visual aid.

I know you’ll be shocked to hear that his viewers did exactly what he asked.

(Extra bonus: fat-shaming! “Make sure she’s aware that you are in fact feeling a roll.”)

Sign the petition to get Comedy Central to kick this guy off the air.

Note that the network said fuck-all when this “go grope women!” segment aired —more than a year ago. So yeah, we need to make some noise.

oh my god

Jesus fucking rollerblading Christ.

death to daniel tosh

…can we evict daniel tosh from the planet?

(via stfurapeculture)

Black Teenage Girls’ Experiences with Sexual Coercion: Context, Coping, and Consequences

choongcommunist:

Trigger warning for discussions of rape and sexual violence committed agaisnt black women.

Black girls and women are not part of the dominant sexual violence discourse. The bodies of black girls and women are often treated as invisible or disposable in this society. Rarely are we viewed as victims of violence or as agents of resistance. Male violence against black girls and women infrequently appears in the media and it is hardly addressed in ‘mainstream’ feminism. The silence surrounding the victimisation and survival of black girls and women is also often obscured within our own communities.

Black Girls’ and Women’s Sexual Coercion in Context

To understand sexual victimization against black girls and women, it is necessary to place the experiences of black women in a sociohistorical framework. Statuses of “black” and “woman” are both historically oppressed identities in the United States. Thus, black women are seen, treated, and often inter- nalized as having “double-minority” status, experiencing both gender and racial oppression (and their intersection). The controlling image of black girls and women as sexually loose and lascivious (e.g., Jezebel, video vixen, “ho”) represents this intersection and has historically played a role in their sexual victimization (Collins 2000; Getman 1984; Wyatt 1992). During slavery, the reproduction of Africans was essential to the economy; slave owners sought increased amounts of “labor” to either sell or use for their own service and agricultural production. Because black women were considered property, white men, both during slavery and after emancipation, often took sexual conquest of black women. Black women who were raped under these circumstances had no protection from their rapists (West 2006). The image of the Jezebel (and its contemporary expressions through images such as the video vixen) has historically been used and continues to be used as a means to justify the rape and sexual victimization black women; underlying these practices is the belief that because black girls and women are sexually promiscuous, they are always desirous of sex and thus cannot be raped or are not injured by sexual victimization. This controlling image has profound implications for the perception and treatment of black sexual violence victims/survivors. For example, research indicates that black sexual violence victims are perceived as suffering less harm than their white coun- terparts (Foley et al. 1995) and that they were more likely to be blamed for their sexual assault (Donovan 2007; George and Martinez 2002). The Jezebel image also influences black sexual violence survivors’ recovery process in a number of ways. Wyatt (1992) found that black women were significantly less likely to report incidents of sexual assault to the police, partly because of common perceptions that black women are not credible rape victims. The degree to which African American sexual assault victims internalize the Jezebel image can also influence ways in which they understand why they were assaulted and can shape psychosocial responses in dealing with sexual assault (Neville et al. 2004).

Psychosocial Influence of Sexual Coercion

Although race and gender have played critical roles in shaping the sexual violence of girls and women, sexually coercive encounters are stressful and can be traumatic for people irrespective of social location (e.g., race, ethnicity, gender, class). Sexual violence in adolescence has been linked to psychological maladjustment, including depressive symptoms (e.g., Leitenberg and Saltzman 2000; Rhode et al. 2001), suicidal ideation (Buzi et al. 2003), disordered eating (Ackard and Neumark-Sztainer 2002), and low overall mental well-being (Howard and Wang 2004). Adolescents who experience sexual victimization are also at greater risk for health consequences related to sexually transmitted infections (see Beck-Sague and Solomon 1999 for a review), including potentially life-threatening infections such as human papillomavirus infection (Kahn et al. 2005; Stevens-Simon et al. 2000), squamous intraepithelial lesions (Kahn et al. 2005), and HIV (Lindegren et al. 1998).

Not surprisingly, the research in this area typically focuses on more vio- lent or aggressive forms of sexual coercion and, moreover, on predominant- ly white samples. Research on the outcomes of adolescent sexual coercion specifically, or nonphysical tactics of sexual victimization, is significantly less. Psychologists Cecil and Matson’s (2005) examination of psychosocial correlates of sexual violence among African American adolescent girls is a notable exception to this body of work. They found that girls who reported greater severity of sexual coercion (i.e., rape as opposed to sexual coercion) had lower levels of self-esteem and higher levels of depression. Over the past decade or so, scholars have examined not only the link between sexual coercion and psychological outcomes but also the psychological factors that may help explain that linkage. This work is important because it acknowledges that victims are in fact survivors and that there are activities in which they engage to assist in their recovery process. Coping strategies have emerged in the psychological research as a consistent mediator between sexually coercive encounters and psychological outcomes. Findings suggest that among adult women sexual violence survivors, those who use more passive or avoidant coping strategies tend to have greater psychological distress (Boeschen et al. 2001; Frazier and Burnett 1994; Neville et al. 2004) and those with active coping strategies such as thinking positively and keeping busy show higher psychological well-being (Frazier and Burnett 1994). Various coping strategies have been found to mediate the association between negative social reactions and psychological symptoms (Ullman 1996), behavioral self-blame and distress (Frazier, Mortensen, and Steward 2005), control over recovery and distress (Frazier, Mortensen, and Steward 2005), and child sexual abuse and trauma symptoms (Arata 1999) among rape survivors. Women have also spoken about their recovery process and described coping mechanisms— such as seeking support, reframing the experience, and seeing themselves as survivors rather than victims—that help them cope with the trauma (Smith and Kelly 2001). At this point, we know very little about the potential role of coping in how adolescent girls deal with sexually coercive encounters.

(via slutwalksignideas)